Struggles

It is no coincidence that my back-to-back posts are from seemingly opposite poles… milestones and struggles. As with many experiences in life, a mountain-top experience is often followed by time in the valley. Such was the case this weekend. At first I didn’t want to share this with anyone, didn’t want you to see me falter and have doubts. But then I realized that perhaps you need to hear that I truly am human and I am not always a pillar of strength and willpower when it comes to sticking with my weight loss journey. I don’t want to share that side of me with you, but I am willing to set aside my personal fears so that if you are struggling with your own journey, you will know you’re not alone.

Yesterday I had a very low moment. I began the day with being out of sorts. A silly thing set it off. I had set a small personal goal for myself of reaching a weight lower than my husband on this particular round. You see, I have never weighed less than Randy, and when I realized a couple of weeks ago that it was a possibility (even a probability) to weigh less than him, I got excited and set that goal for myself. After weighing that morning, and having him weigh, I realized I was not going to reach this goal this time around. Disappointment flooded me and that began to cause my mind to start thinking about all the goals I haven’t reached yet. This is NOT the path to take, people! Yet I seemed powerless to stop it. As the day progressed, I was dissatisfied with my food choices, I wanted to eat anything that was not on my diet, I wanted to “chuck it all” and forget about it. We were out and about and needed to stop for supper so we went to Subway so I could get a salad. I got my salad and sat down to eat and completely had a meltdown. I started crying and literally sobbing, telling Randy this was too hard, I didn’t want to eat a salad, I wanted to eat pizza, I don’t want to do this anymore, there’s no way I can do it another 6 months or so until I reach my goal, I’m just tired of it all! Randy held me while I cried, reminded me of how far I’ve come, reassured me that I am strong enough to do this, pointed out that I would be really mad at myself tomorrow if I “fell off the wagon”, offered to eat a salad instead of a sub so it wouldn’t tempt me :), acknowledge that he understood that I am tired of it, but continually encouraged me to keep on. I cried all through eating my salad, but I DID eat what I was supposed to and didn’t succumb to the temptation to eat something I shouldn’t. Going to the grocery next (two of them in fact!) was pure torture but I forced myself to get healthy things that I can have on stabilization, which I will be starting this week. 

Once I was back home again, I soaked in the tub in the hopes it would help calm me down (it did!), ate my snack and then began the task of encouraging fellow dieters who had sent me messages for advice. Even though I didn’t FEEL as though I had any encouragement to offer them, I dug way deep inside and then felt so much better afterwards, even encouraging myself a little in the process. 

At church this morning I asked a few of my dearest prayer warrior friends to pray for me, which they willingly did. Then in Sunday school I was reminded of two of my favorite verses:  Philippians 4:11b NIV “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”  and Philippians 4:13 NKJV  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Yes, Lord, I hear you loud and clear! I know I can’t do this on my own strength. I know this is a journey You have set me on.  I know You are walking beside me every step of the way. And I know You will give me the strength to see it through. I just have to shift the focus from what I haven’t done, back to the task of what I need to do! If you’re dealing with struggles as you travel your own journey, look for people in your life who can encourage you and point you back in the right direction. And remember that I am always here to encourage you as well, because I am walking this same road with you!

So, now that my eyes are back on the right path again, my struggles of yesterday have changed to the triumph of today! I am once again content in my circumstances and ready to continue on because Christ has given me His strength!

Milestones

Definition of a milestone – “a significant event or stage in the life, progress, development, or the like of a person”

I find this a perfect description of the milestone I have reached today in my journey of a lifetime. I reached a significant stage in my life and the progress of my weight loss…. I have lost a total of 75 lbs and 75 7/8 inches!!! Just a mere six months ago, I would not have dreamed that this was possible! I have been overweight and unhealthy for so long, I had pretty much lost hope that I would ever be able to accomplish such a remarkable feat! 

I am so happy to report that not only has my hope been restored and I am moving right along on my journey, but I feel better than I have in almost 20 years. The aches and pains that I had are drastically improved – my knees and feet don’t bother me nearly as much as they used to. I have not had an asthma attack since starting this diet journey, which is amazing because in the months prior to beginning, I was really struggling with getting my asthma under control. I had many dr visits and even a trip to the ER. I am not even taking any asthma medicine now and have only had to use my inhaler 2, maybe 3 times since Aug. (Previously I’ve had to be on daily medication and still used my inhaler once or twice a week)  Also prior to starting this diet, I was taking medication for acid reflux every day. I was able to quit taking that by September and have not had any problems with it since! Migraine headaches were also a frequent inconvenience in my life. I went from having 1 or 2 a week or so, to ZERO! I’ve hardly even had to take Tylenol or Ibuprofen for anything at all! For probably at least a year before I began my journey, I was having a lot of problems with arrhythmia and heart palpitations, but the dr couldn’t determine the cause.  After eating healthy for about a month, those symptoms almost completely disappeared! I have more energy than I’ve had in a long, long time…I sleep better at night…I can walk and shop and do “normal” things without feeling like I’m going to die from it!

My weight loss was slower over the past two weeks since I last posted. But, I did really well in losing inches, so it all evens out in the end.  :)  This is what I’ve learned over the past two weeks. Stress really slows down your progress! So does not getting enough sleep or drinking enough water! Unfortunately, when you have all three happening at the same time, progress slows down to a snail’s pace. But the good news is I still lost weight! Maybe not as much as I was counting on, but a loss is still a loss, right? I’ve also been dealing with the desire to emotionally eat. I’ve been craving chocolate, bread, mac n cheese… all those things I can’t have right now! Not because I’m physically hungry, but because I WANT them. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not worth the set-back! I won’t tell you it’s been easy, because some days it’s been all I can do to keep from eating the wrong things, but I WILL tell you I’m happy I haven’t given in! :)  I will be starting the stabilization phase soon, and I will be able to eat more variety and flavors. As I get to that phase, I’ll try to post tips and things I’ve learned about stabilization. This is the part that a lot of people struggle with. When I did my first stabilization phase, I had no clue what I was doing and I wasn’t able to find a lot of information out there about how to do it correctly. Since then I’ve read a lot and also learned from my own experience.

So, onward to the next milestone! One hundred pounds, here I come!!

Trotting Right Along

Almost 70 lbs lost!!

I had a very good week last week! Lost a total of 6.6 lbs, which is my second biggest loss yet! The week I lost more than this was my very first week on the diet back in August. This was week two of round four, so I am pretty excited! Had to go on a business trip over the weekend and eat out numerous times, stay overnight, and not be able to drink my water. I was still down .6 lbs both yesterday and today! I really believe the key for traveling and eating out is to be prepared. I took "allowed" foods along with me in a cooler with ice packs so if  I couldn't make the right choices whenever we ate, I would have something to fall back on. Naturally I took more food than I ended up eating because part of the time I was able to eat from the restaurant or the catered food at the meeting. But, I'm so glad I took it because then I didn't come home feeling guilty because I didn't eat right.

Some days I seem to need more protein than other days. I rather felt sure that I would "feel" like I needed more protein when I was away and surrounded by food, so I allowed myself to eat a little more protein. On the road Friday, we chose to stop at Subway for lunch. That's a really easy place to eat! I ordered a veggie salad with all of  my "allowed" vegetables on it. Then I got one of my little baggies of pre-grilled, pre-weighed chicken out of my cooler and put it on top. Had them put a little vinegar on top for dressing, although I had taken lemon wedges along just in case. I also could have just ordered a salad with grilled chicken from Subway but I chose to use my own chicken since I knew it was the right number of ounces. No problem sticking to it for that meal! :) 

That evening at our hotel, we ate dinner at the restaurant there. I have learned that eating out is all about choices and asking questions and making small requests of the waiter. I have never had a waiter or waitress act frustrated with me because I'm asking. I always tell them I am on a very restricted diet and they are without fail very helpful. This particular menu choice was an 8 oz prime rib with mashed potatoes and Chef's vegetables. I asked what the vegetables were. They were brussels sprouts, carrots, green beans and asparagus. I must have frowned a little because the waiter quickly said, but you can get all asparagus, for instance, if you like. Perfect!!! So I told him I would take that, but no mashed potatoes. "Would you like extra asparagus instead?" Perfect!!! I chose to drink water, because I like to drink water, but I could have had unsweetened tea. I also had a cup of the most wonderful decaf coffee. I cut the prime rib in half and asked him put the rest in a box to take with me.  So, another successful meal! :)

2-4-2011

The next morning I knew there would be pastries and doughnuts and other “bad” foods to tempt me so I ate a cup of fat-free cottage cheese before I left the hotel room. Then I got a small plate of  “allowable” fresh fruits and coffee for my breakfast at the meeting. The nice thing was they had pitchers of ice water on the tables in front of us so between that and coffee, I was good to go for the morning! At lunch they served us salads, which was fine. But then they came out with chicken baked in a pastry with cheesy filling and carrots on the side, which was nothing I could have. That’s okay! I went out to the car and got another baggie of pre-grilled, pre-weighed chicken I had taken along and took it back in. Asked them for another salad (they were very small) and poured my chicken on top, squeezed lemon on top and was fine. On the way home, everyone wanted to do fast food because we were ready to get home. That’s ok. I ordered a hamburger with mustard and pickle and took it off the bun. I had a bag of celery in the cooler so that was my supper and I was fine.

I tell you all of this to let you know that you can still stick to your diet with a little preparation and the mindset that you can make healthy choices. Remember, the 500 calorie phase is only 21 or 42 days, so it’s temporary! It’s not forever! And the weight you lose and the healthier you feel in that time-frame makes it all worth it!

So keep trotting along – you’ll get to your destination faster if you don’t slow down or back  up because you haven’t stuck to the protocol!

Back in the Saddle

Today I really feel like I'm back in the saddle and ready to ride again! I lost the small amount of weight I gained on the cruise plus I lost an additional 3 pounds so I feel I'm on my way to my goal.  My total weight loss is now at 65.4 pounds. *jumping up and down here*

I came across this quote today from my friend, Shawna, and thought a portion of it really applied to this journey I'm on:

"One of the key factors that will determine your ultimate success is whether you have the courage to fight through the challenges, obstacles and disappointments on your journey."

I feel that I have a new-found courage that I've been lacking over the years. But probably the biggest tool that I have is the encouragement and support of my family and friends, who lovingly hold me accountable to what they know I am wanting to accomplish. When I have a day that I'm disappointed that I've "only" lost a pound, they remind me of the total amount that I've lost. Some help me look at the things I ate the day before and figure out what changes I need to make in the things I eat today. Today was one of those days of "only" losing a pound after losing 2.4 lbs yesterday. But, I was so excited to see the 65.4 total that I guess I forgot about the day's amount. LOL  I guess it really is all in how you look at it!

I was a little afraid that after eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it over the past two weeks, I would have a hard time adjusting to a rigid schedule again. But, I am adjusting quite well and it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I want to urge this horse from a trot to a gallop, but I know that trotting along is what's best, so I should just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Giddy-up! Let's Go!

Looking Back

As I was creating my blog website, I started thinking about what photos I wanted to include on my photo page. For much of the past 17 years, I have tried to remain behind the lens of the camera and not as the subject in front of the lens. I absolutely hated how I looked in pictures. So, it is a pretty difficult thing for me to sit down and go through pictures to find something I am willing to post for everyone to see! Not only that, but it’s also hard to find many with me in them since I was the one taking the pictures. Lol

And now, looking back, I can really see just how overweight I truly was! Perhaps it’s a good thing to look back now and then, because I don’t ever want to go back to the place I was and be the overweight, unhealthy, unhappy person that I see in these photos. I want to continue on towards my goal and be the happier, healthier person I now see in the mirror every morning. In order to do that, I need to remind myself it’s all about choices. I can choose to put healthy food into my body, or I can choose unhealthy. I can choose to stick to my diet plan and reach my goal quicker, or I can choose to cheat a little and slow down the progress. Also, what typically happens when you cheat or do something you shouldn’t do? Guilt sets in! I am through with feeling guilty! I don’t want to disappoint God, myself, or those who are watching me on my journey. I don’t want to give satisfaction to those who are waiting for me to fall. Those who say it’ll never work for a lifetime. 

So tonight, when I fix dinner for my family and I make them yummy French Dip Sandwiches, I am going to savor my small bites of roast beef by itself, soaking in all of the flavor in each bite. Because I know that my current diet is not forever. I had a French dip sandwich before beginning this current round and it didn’t cause me to gain! I choose to “eat clean” for the present day, so that one day sooner I can enjoy a treat like that without bad consequences and without guilt. Most of the problem lies between our ears… our minds tell us we “need” something when in reality it is a “want” not a need. I’ve even experienced my mind telling me I’m hungry, but when I really think about it and am honest with myself, it’s not truly hunger, I just want to eat! I like the taste of food, I like the texture of food, I like all the different flavors of food. I still get to eat tasty, flavorful food right now so I can choose to enjoy what I have or pine for what I can’t.

With these thoughts in mind I can post these photos (Click on the Photos Tab under my welcome message) on the web for all of you to see. I am not the woman I used to be. I am thankful that God is transforming, not only my body, but also my mind, into a better person!

The Beginning

My Weight-Loss Journey

As some of you know, but most of you don’t, in July 2010 I began a new journey after booking a life-long dream, a cruise vacation. I decided I was determined once and for all to lose some weight and this seemed like a really good motivational tool to use. I did some research, talked to a lot of people, set a short-term goal, and a “longer-term” goal, and began my journey on August 3, 2010. It hasn’t been easy, but I have managed to reach my goals, even reaching them ahead of schedule. :)  My first goal was to lose 30 lbs by my birthday on September 14^th. I beat that one 2 days ahead of time, on Sept 12^th!

I made it through Thanksgiving, and having my extended family here for our family Christmas, with all that good cooking and special treats. My 2^nd goal was to lose 60 lbs by our cruise, and I reached that goal on December 12^th! Then I survived Christmas and New Year’s, managing to maintain the 62 lbs I’d lost. 

On January 9, 2011 we embarked  on our Western Caribbean cruise, which turned into a second honeymoon celebration. Also, neither of us got to experience the special time in our lives of going to Prom. So, when we had formal nights on our cruise, we went to “our prom". With Randy in his tux, and me in my evening gown, we had the time of our lives! We celebrated our marriage, the way this journey has drawn us closer together as a couple, the stage of life we are currently in as we adapt to having an empty nest. Randy has been my biggest and strongest supporter in this awesome journey and has even lost some weight just in support of me!

We are both feeling much, much healthier and have a new zest for life. Now that we have returned from vacation, I have set new goals and am continuing on my journey. With the help of God, my loving husband, and the support of my friends and family, I have every confidence that I will succeed! I thank those of you who have known about my journey and have been a huge encouragement. I ask all of you to continue to pray for me as I strive to continue this journey and make changes that will last a lifetime!